1 month home- our new normal

Update: Right after posting this, another adoption friend posted something that she'd seen on a shirt and I just have to add it. She saw a shirt that says LOVE MAKES ROOM. Things have changed for our family and we've all had to make room in our own way. Addison is no longer the only girl. Sharing daughter status is shaking her world up. The boys have another sister. The shake up is all worth it, though. I've come to realize that we all need Scarlett as much as she needs us. Things are better with her here. She's teaching us things and opening our eyes in ways that will change us forever.

We've been home for 1 month already. Time really flies when you've got 4 kiddos! It's hard to know where to start. I need to organize my thoughts- maybe make an outline like I did back in the days of English class.

I'll intro by saying that we're doing great, much better than we could have dreamed. Of course we prayed that the transition would be smooth, but man has God ever answered our prayers with Scarlett. Infant and Toddler services was at my house this morning, evaluating Scarlett, and they were amazed at how great she's doing, just 1 month after being in the States. She mimics words and actions, she follows commands, she sings and dances, she loves to laugh and be silly. She has the best smile, and will just flash it at you for no apparent reason. Her joy for life is contagious. When I think about the reality of what she's been through in her short little life, this pure joy is all the more wonderful to witness. I love the sound of the 4 kids squealing with laughter because of her antics. Speaking of the kids- man do they love their little sister. She adores them too and has already little traditions that she does with all of them. Riley does this gentle wrestle thing with her where he crashes her down to the ground, but she lands on him, cushioning her from the floor. His friends like to come over and play with her too, which is just about the sweetest thing. They've taught her the important skill of the fist bump. Addison is like her second mommy. She puts her in her carseat or her booster, strapping her in and making sure she's ready to go. She plays with her while I cook dinner and makes sure that she's not going up or down the stairs. Scarlett reaches for Addison to pick her up- she's happy to be carried around by her big sister. Chase is just as silly as Scarlett, so once they get started, there's lots of laughter! I envisioned what our lives would be like with this little one for so long, and now that she's here, I'm so excited about how well the kids are getting along. My favorite part of the day is right before bedtime when we sit in Scarlett's room together and read a book and then the rounds of hugs and kisses start. I know these days are fleeting, and these sweet moments will be no longer before I know it.

In this last month, we've spent a lot of time just hanging at our house- getting Scarlett used to her new environment, foods, language, and people. We've also enjoyed a lot of firsts as a family of 6. My personal favorite was our first trip to the lake as a family of 6. I'm so glad we got Scarlett home in time to join us for our Labor Day trip!

We also took Scarlett in for her first doctor's appointment. She was evaluated by a pediatrician at Children's Mercy in the International Adoption Clinic. She got a few shots (lots of crying here), an x-ray of her left hand (very traumatic experience for her), and blood work done (even more traumatic). Her x-ray shows that she has her radius and ulna bones- she sure can do a lot with her left hand- I love to watch her figure things out. I treat her the same as the other 3- if she needs help, she asks me, but she really likes to do things herself. Her blood work all came back just fine. We're so thankful for her health. Next week we go to the limb clinic at Children's Mercy. We've got some amazing resources here in Kansas City!

Let's talk attachment and bonding. After a few episodes in one day of her reaching out for someone other than Nathan and I to be held, it hasn't happened again. She seems to know who mom and dad are. She socializes with other adults- hands them toys, gives them food, etc... but comes to Nathan or I for comfort. We are still refining our attachment. Attachment is formed through trust. Scarlett is still learning to trust us. The area where we are still working on this is bed time. She goes down easily, but wakes up a few times in the night with night terrors. She is consoled and goes back to sleep quickly, so it's not a huge problem, but of course we want her sleeping soundly through the night. I've talked to many other adoptive parents through our adoption agency (thankful for our agency Facebook page where I get so much support and encouragement) and it sounds like this is a very normal experience. They all said that it gets better as the kids learn to trust more and more each day. Something I wasn't expecting, and what the blogs I've read don't really talk about is that bonding can be tough for the mama. It all makes sense, really. For 9 months I carried my 3 bio kids. And then they were newborns and I fed them and cared for them each minute, hour, and day as time quickly passed and they grew and grew and grew. By the time they were 2, I knew them in and out. Our love had grown as we learned how to be a mom/child together. With Scarlett, we were given a 2 year old who we'd never met before, we filled out some paperwork, and took her back to our hotel room. This child who didn't understand or speak our language. We took her from her foster family- the only family she'd known since she was an infant. We had no idea what to feed her at our first meal. No idea- we are her parents, and we had no idea what would comfort her,  what she likes to eat, what her daily routine was in her foster home. This is the hard part of adoption that people don't talk much about. My love for her is growing- we're getting there. I'm adjusting to having a 2 year old in the house and all of the chaos that brings. I'm thankful that God chose me to be her mommy.  I follow people who are adopting through our agency on Facebook so I can relive our trip to China and the day we met our daughter.

Another thing for me is constantly questioning my parenting skills and my ability to raise an adopted daughter. I'm sure I'm messing up my bio kids in some way as well, but for some reason the stakes seem higher with the beautiful soul from a traumatic past. This thought doesn't come from God, so I pray when I feel these feelings. God called us to adopt Scarlett. He brought us together, so I know that He's right here with me and I can lean on Him when I'm feeling insufficient!

All in all, the first month has been good. I just know that each month will get better and better as we continue to adjust to our new normal. I wake up each day and give our day to God- and pray. I get my strength, courage, peace and joy from His presence in my day.

I'll leave you with a few pics from our month.

Day 14, Wednesday August 17th Going home

We had breakfast in the hotel restaurant. It was good, but expensive (not included in our stay like the other hotels). Nathan gave Scarlett a bath- a good idea to do before the long flight! I'm sure we'll all be plenty stinky.

At 11:30, we headed over to the airport (it was attached to the hotel- that's why our agency arranged for us to stay there). Here's what we were dealing with:

At least we're well organized, and look at that sweet girl- her shirt says "there's no place like home". She's ready to start her life with us in the great state of Kansas! We're dreading the flight, honestly, but we can't get home without it- there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Who knows how Scarlett will do on a 15 hour flight. Who knows?!
I'm not feeling good today- I feel like I'm starting to get what Nathan and Scarlett have had the past few days. Just great- getting on an airplane sick is not fun!

The flight was delayed by 1 hour, but we had a good 4 hour layover in Dallas, so we weren't worried about it. It's another rainy day in Hong Kong. That's why we're delayed. 

The flight was bad. But it could have been worse. Nathan would probably say it was worse than I would say. He was a sweetheart and took on most of the Scarlett duties. I was just feeling so lousy. I'll bet he was too... I owe him. He rocked her back to sleep, took her on walks to calm her down, and held her for hours while she slept and re positioned herself a gazillion times to try to get comfortable (which is nearly impossible on someone's lap). I watched 3 movies and tried to sleep many times. I was in the middle- there was a girl to my right- it was just not fun. The last 4 hours were brutal. Like tick tock, tick tock, tick tock. Torture! 

We landed in Dallas and were exhausted. Not Scarlett- she was rather chipper. I'm glad for that. Oh customs... I don't even know what to say here. I certainly don't have anything nice to say about it. The line was long. Like so long we thought it very possible we wouldn't make our connecting flight to KC (being one hour late did not help the outlook on this). We got through the line faster than we thought we would, and handed the customs officer Scarlett's paperwork. The famous brown package that was to only be opened by them. We were simply the couriers for it. The officer then took us to the immigration waiting room. That's where the true torture began. I've never been in such a bad situation as we were in that room. It was bad. Very bad. The officers were jerks, and they weren't doing their jobs. The waiting rooms were full and it was frustrating. We were going on over 24 hours of no sleep, so we were literally dying. Okay, not really. But I was so tired, I thought I might die. 

Scarlett fell asleep in the stroller and missed all of the fun in that room. 

We missed our connecting flight thanks to the immigration bozos. Ugh I'm so mad at them. But, by this time, I don't want to get on another plane. I just want to lay my head down in a bed and sleep. Ahhh sleep sounds like heaven. We go get our suitcases that have been sitting on the belt alone for hours (so not cool), and head to the ticket counter where we find out that our flight to KC was actually delayed and we maybe could have made it, but probably not because it was in a different terminal. Whatever, just put us on a flight in the morning and we'll go to a hotel. 

We ended up at the Hyatt that was connected to the airport. A shuttle came and picked us up. Walking through the airport- to our bags, then to the ticket counter, then out to where the shuttle was, then into the hotel... I honestly felt like my legs might fall off completely. I just wanted to sit down and cry my eyes out. 

I got into the room at 9:30, brushed my teeth, and laid down for a night of sleep. I woke up at 12:30am and felt like it must be 5am! It was heartbreaking to see that it was only midnight, and I'd only slept for 3 hours! I was in and out of sleep for the next few hours. Scarlett woke up at 2:30am ready for the day. Man are our internal clocks messed up!! I gave her snacks, let her watch tv, and gave her toys and tried to sleep for the next 2.5 hours. The wake up call came at 5am. I felt like a zombie, but took a quick shower. My left eye was swollen, crusty and puffy. Clearly all of the excitement had made me pretty sick. Nathan woke up with the exact same looking eye. Really!? 

We got to the airport and went through security one more time. I'm so done with airports. Nathan had to go back to the ticket counter and get a new ticket. The lady from the night before had printed out 2 copies of my ticket instead of one for each... of course she did. 

We made it through security with Scarlett's bottle filled with water. Nathan had to show them Scarlett to get the bottle back. Man, we have to have that bottle! What would have happened if they'd thrown it away?! This happened almost a week ago... but just re-living it now is stressing me out. Haha! 

We got some Starbucks (it's never been more necessary) and some fruit for Scarlett. She was happy to sit in her stroller and eat some breakfast. She's been so chill through all of this. I'm so grateful. 

The flight wasn't full, so we got 3 seats. Scarlett fell asleep in Nathan's arms and I listened to music and rested my eyes for the 1.5 hour flight. I listened to the Hillsong United Empires album over and over and over during this trip. It just encouraged me and really spoke to me. I'm thankful for the lyrics that this band comes up with. 

Mark picked us up at the airport. Nathan slammed the van trunk lid on me and Scarlett's heads... he felt so bad. Sleep deprivation is a bad thing. I'm glad Mark drove us home. We would be like drunk drivers at this point. It was so nice to be in our country, in our van, in our state, in our city, and finally in our house! Scarlett did good in the carseat. We thought she'd freak out since she wasn't used to being strapped in during car rides. 

The kids were at school, but my mom was there waiting for us. You could see how excited the grandparents were to meet their new granddaughter. I loved seeing the joy on my mom's face as she laid eyes on Scarlett. I'll bet they end up with a special bond. 

The rest of the day was spent introducing her to the dogs (they were super excited to see me), the house, and her room. We had lunch together at our kitchen table and laid her down for a nap. I woke her up right before Nathan got home with the kids, and then the kids got to meet her. 

There aren't words to express the feelings I was feeling being with the other 3 kids again, and proudly showing them their new sibling. They wanted to touch her, they wanted her to play with them, but we had to explain to them how important it was to go slow and be gentle with her. Paige and Troy, the kids next door, came running over (their dad, Travis, did too while we were waiting for the kids to pull up). Riley had a few friends from school who were dying to meet her, and they came in, too.  Looking back, we should have locked up our house and not let anyone in- it was too much for Scarlett. Too many new faces in one day. We should have been ready to guard her, but we didn't have the conversation and we were probably too tired to care at the time. 

These are images from that first day. There's so much getting to know each other things that will happen by the next post I write. I'm excited to see Scarlett bloom in our family. I pray that I can be the kind of mom that she so deserves! 

Day 13 Goodbye Guangzhou, hello Hong Kong (Tuesday, August 16th)

This morning I awoke to messages from Mark (grandpa Gronberg) with pictures of the kids at back to school night. I've been doing great- missing the kids, of course, but enjoying these moments in China. However, after seeing these pictures, I lost it. I'm missing their back to school time. Chase's first day of kindergarten. Riley's LAST first day of elementary school... it's all too much for me! I was in tears. Look at how they've grown! God, I miss them.

I had to give them a call after seeing these pics. For them, it was about 8pm. They were just fine without us being there (which is great, but heartbreaking all at the same time)! Tomorrow, they'll wake up and head to their first day of school (just Riley and Addison- Chase starts on Wednesday). 

We went down for our last breakfast in Guangzhou. I'm in a state of shock that this journey is over. I'm terribly sad, really. I knew it would go by fast, but man has it ever. It's been so great for Nathan and I to have this time together- it's honestly felt more like a vacation than I thought it would. Scarlett has been so easy and chill (especially for a 2 year old). I'm going to have to make meals now... that's the biggest thing. I love not having to make meals. And I'll be missing the amazing Chinese food here! I've said that a lot. The food here is just delicious. 

I am excited to introduce Scarlett to our life. To just get that whole thing started. I know the kids are dying to meet her, too. It's going to be a sweet reunion. 

After breakfast, we worked on some packing and then headed across the street to check out this park that we'd heard was pretty neat. To get across the street, you have to go underground to where the subway system is. Believe it or not, there was a 7-eleven down there! Once we got across the street we discovered a great view of our massive hotel. It's a Marriott- called The China Hotel. The park is called Yuexiu park and man am I glad we found it! It was this huge park in the middle of this big city, and it was beautiful. So many green tropical plants, and flowers. Bridges, and a lake where you could rent boats. I wish we had more time to explore this pretty place! Scarlett fell asleep on Nathan (she was in the carrier), and it was very humid of course, so we didn't make it long.  Not to mention we needed to have lunch and be checked out of our hotel room at 2pm! 

We stopped by a little sidewalk store on the way back and bought popsicles and a toy from a popular Chinese cartoon for Scarlett's birthday. We had lunch at the hotel- the lunch buffet was even better than the breakfast! So so so many amazing choices! 

Jenny, Christy, Kimberlyn and Judah met us in the lobby at 2:00 to say goodbye. I'm so thankful that we ended up with another family to be in our group. Some people experience this with many people in their group- we were alone so much of the time. There were pros to this, of course. 

The driver picked us up at 2:30 and drove us to the consulate. It took Helen a bit, but she finally met us and gave us the rest of Scarlett's paperwork including her visa. Wow! What a neat thing. We're legal to travel with her, and we'll show that to customs in the states for her to become a U.S. citizen! 

Nathan showing Scarlett her visa

Then starts our drive to Hong Kong. We did it- we kept Scarlett awake, so she slept most of the way to HK. It was exactly a 3 hour drive. We were in a very nice, comfortable van. Helen was not with us- just a driver that doesn't speak English. It's pretty crazy! We went through the Hong Kong customs without having to get out of the car, which was weird. We'd heard that you had to get all of your stuff and meet the driver on the other side of customs. Somehow, our driver kept us with him and just showed our passports as we went through customs. Um, okay, we'll take it! 

I wish it was a nicer day, but it was pretty much raining during this entire drive. Hong Kong looks like an amazing place, but we couldn't see much due to the rain. We got a few good views of the city as we headed towards the airport and our hotel. Scarlett woke up as we were going through customs, and was just content to sit on my lap and look out the window the rest of the way. 

We got to the hotel at 7pm and got checked in. We headed down to a Chinese restaurant for a late dinner. We explored the hotel for a few minutes then headed to bed. There was no baby bed delivered to our room, and we were too tired to ask again, so she slept in bed with Nathan. Tomorrow, we get on an airplane and fly HOME. We'll have a special someone with us. Something we've been waiting for for quite awhile. It's surreal that it's actually happening. I can't wait for all of the firsts that we'll get to experience.