Day 3 Sightseeing in Beijing

We've had quite the day! Because of the time change, we were up and at it very early this morning (Nathan at 3:30am, me at 5:00am). We headed to the Starbucks that is in our hotel at 6am, but it didn't open until 7am, so we went to have breakfast. I had heard that breakfast is amazing, and man today's was amazing. The hotel also had latte that was complimentary, so I was happy (we had some language barrier issues finding this out, but luckily there was a guy there that spoke Chinese and English, so he saved the day). It's hard to describe what the breakfast buffet looked like- there was so much to choose from, and many items you'd think were more like a lunch choice. I loved the little egg rolls they had!

After breakfast, we headed across the street (traffic wasn't too bad on a Saturday at 6:30am, so we got across pretty easily). I threw a pair of tennies in at the last minute but forgot to pack socks, and I had seen some at the convenience store the day before. It was neat to see Beijing in action. There were dumplings being made fresh in the street, there were bike carts preparing other fresh meals for commuters to purchase.


We headed over to Starbucks- never too much caffeine when you're up as early as we've been the last few days! It feels like such a treat to have this right here in our hotel. I hope we have easy access in Guiyang as well!

We met our guide and 2 other people from our group at 8:30. Christy and her daughter Kimberlyn had come to be with Christy's sister, Jenny, who is adopting a little 2 year old boy. Jenny and her husband, Jacob, have adopted 3 other kids from China, so they decided that just Jenny would come this time. Kimberlyn is 12 years old, so we enjoyed being in the company of a kid! We headed to The Great Wall. It took over 2 hours to get there because of the crazy Saturday traffic. So apparently, you are told what days you can drive on- odd numbers drive on these days, even numbers on the other days (the number is on the license plate), but everyone can drive during the weekend, so it's just busier than during the week. We enjoyed the people watching! We saw kids squatting on the side of busy roads to go to the bathroom (many wearing split pants also, which is kind of alarming to see- bare butts hanging out...). One kid we saw was completely naked, just chilling on the side of the road with his mom. So many people ride bikes and scooters, and no one yields for anyone- their merges are insane. I don't know how there aren't more accidents! What an experience, for sure!

We came to realize after talking a bit that Jenny's husband, Jacob is the pediatrician we'd talked to at length for the first file we received on a child, the child he had to say no to. We also talked to him about Scarlett's file, for a second opinion! I can't believe I didn't put it all together before now. It's neat how God puts people in your life and then again down the road- complete strangers who become friends due to common experiences!


The Great Wall was... well, GREAT. Oh my gosh it's amazing. Even with the crazy humidity and sweat dripping into my eyes I thoroughly enjoyed trekking up those steep steps. I made it as far as I could, and then turned and came back down (coming down was harder than going up, in my opinion.
Nathan had turned around before me because his leg started hurting, and he didn't realize that once you get to a certain height, you come down a different way. So, after about 30 minutes of not being able to find him, I saw him where he'd left us and I had to take my shaking legs back up a bit to fetch him. He felt terrible because he had the backpack that contained the extra water, my kleenexes, and all of the money. We did a little shopping in the gift shop and headed back to the air-conditioned van. We have the nicest driver and guide. I also experienced my first squatty potty at the wall.

After that, we headed to the Jade Factory for lunch. It was a delicious traditional Chinese meal. They didn't have forks, so we ate with chopsticks. They also don't really use serving spoons, so you just dip your chopstick into the dish and grab what you can. We shared germs like champs- what a way to get to know someone. Haha! It felt great to sit down and get refreshed. After lunch, we were given a little tour of the jade factory- so cool to see how they carve it, and then walked around looking at things that we couldn't buy (the sales lady followed us around, asking what we wanted to buy). 

Then we headed to the Summer Palace. This was a very neat place, too, although the crowd was pretty insane. I was feeling a little closed in with all of those people in the heat, but then we got to the corridors and there was a nice breeze coming off of the lake and gorgeous views of the palace and lake. What a history! 

We headed back to the hotel to freshen up just a bit (deodorant and febreeze spray), and then met back in the lobby for dinner. Jenny had arrived by that time, so she joined us for dinner. It was nice to get advice from her since she's adopted 3 times before. We enjoyed roasted duck tonight along with a variety of other foods (Gia ordered way too much for us, and we ended up wasting a lot) at dinner tonight with our group. I'm so thankful for these other people who are traveling some of the trip with us. We said goodbye to them tonight and will meet up with them on Friday in Guangzhou where the U.S Consulate is. At that time, we'll have 2 little ones added to our group. I'm so excited but nervous at the same time!

In about 36 hours, we'll have Scarlett. I've enjoyed these few days with just my husband. We needed this time together before becoming a family of 6!

Beijing, Day 1/2

Well we made it and I have to say it's surreal to be here! The flight was great- I loved relaxing and resting, enjoying the alone time with my husband. I was blown away by how nice the plane was. All 3 meals were delicious (sea salt caramel gelato... yes please!), and the tv's on the back of the seats made the trip bearable for me. I watched 3 new releases, and enjoyed playing solitaire, too. I wish I could've napped a bit, but am prayerful that I'll get some great sleep tonight and be ready for sight seeing tomorrow!

Right now, it's 6:45pm. For those of you in KC, it's 5:45AM. I wish I could call my kiddos right now, but they are sleeping. Am hoping to connect with them in the morning, but they might be out and about with Grandma and Grandpa.

After landing in Dallas, we had a 1 hr and 45 min lay over- this was the perfect amount of time to grab a starbucks and hit the big bathrooms! After landing in Beijing and getting our bags and going through customs, we were met by a man and woman who took us to a van and drove us about 30 minutes to our hotel (it was a bit strange just getting in the van with them, fully trusting that our agency hired these people...). The traffic here is pretty crazy. We saw all kinds of things- I couldn't believe when I saw a family of 3 on a motorized scooter- the 3 year old boy was standing at the front, holding onto the handle bars as they weaved through traffic. Lots of honking around here, and pedestrian crosswalks don't mean much (Nathan and I got through 1/2 of the street on the way back to the hotel after dinner and just stood in the middle of the street because no one would let us go! It's just a different way of thinking as far as I can tell- I'm going to have to be more aggressive I can tell. No more Mrs. nice Kansas girl! Haha!

So, the nice people checked us in at our hotel, showed us how to trade in our money and told us that we'd find the convenient store across the street from the hotel (you can't drink the tap water here, so getting bottled water was a must). Nathan told me not to sit down- we needed to keep walking so we wouldn't fall asleep too early- for us, we've been up now for 24 hours... we're hoping to get on China time after a good nights sleep. We walked around our hotel a bit (I found a Starbucks that I can visit first thing in the morning, too), and then ventured out to find that convenience store and somewhere to eat dinner. Right across the street is an Irish Pub. We will try Chinese food while we're here, but it was comforting to get some good old pizza! The coasters that they gave us were Boulevard Brewing Company, which is a beer brewing company out of Kansas City, MO. Nathan got a kick out of that.

I really was just feeling so tired and in need of a shower, so we got our water bottles after our dinner and headed back to the hotel (this is when we got stuck in the middle of the road). I took a quick shower, and when I got out I found Mr. Nathan snoring on the bed... hmmm so much for trying to stay up for another hour. So, to bed at 6:30pm for him. I tried to tell him to wake up, but he ignored me. We'll see what that means for tomorrow!

Our room is nice, but it smells like smoke pretty bad, so I'm super glad that I brought my essential oils diffuser and oils to make the room smell better.

We are meeting our guide and the other people hanging with us in the morning at 8:30am (6:30pm central standard time) to head to the Great Wall. I hear it's a 3 hour ride. Not looking forward to that, but I'm enjoying the sights of our daughter's birth country, so am determined to take it all in.

Here are some pics from today:

We put a gift and note on each of the kid's beds for them to find when they got home this morning from sleeping over at Grandma and Grandpa's. I love giving gifts!

Our awesome neighbor, Kim Lewis, took us to the airport bright and early!

The first leg of our journey- flying to Dallas!

This is the journal I got to write to Scarlett all about how she came to be our daughter and the journey to get her!

The Starbucks lady at the Dallas airport spelled my name "Jennie" and I like it. Think I should change how I spell my name. Random, yes. I'm going on little sleep!

 This one is from when I facetimed the kids while we were waiting to take off for Beijing. This was right when they'd gotten to the house and saw their first gift!

Our route- loved watching this on the screen on the plane.

Our first plane meal. This was yummy!

I played quite a bit of solitaire, too!

IT'S HERE

Well it's here... in 24 hours we'll be at the airport starting our journey to China to get Scarlett. It's a moment we've been waiting for for about 4 years. It sounds cliche but it truly feels like just yesterday that we started this process in the Ethiopia program. At that time, Chase was less than 2 years old. Our wait time was only supposed to be 18-24 months which seemed perfect for us.
Ha ha ha right. So, God knew what He was doing (imagine that)! Adding another child to the family with Chase as a 3 year old (or 4 year old for that matter... and honestly, right now is still pushing it, but we've got kindergarten coming) would have pushed me over the edge. The 3rd child has a way of humbling your "awesome parenting skills," at least it did in our experience.

Fast forward a few years of waiting on the Ethiopia list, and here we are getting ready to adopt from CHINA. It's funny because our choice was between China and Africa to begin with... and we both just felt pulled to Africa. There's always a lesson to be learned, and ours was that sometimes God changes your path. What we learned from the switch was to trust in God, how to hear His voice in our life, and PATIENCE- this is the big one that I struggle with. This entire process is a big fat waiting game. Waiting for this, then waiting for that, all in other people's control... this is not fun for someone with a Type A personality!! It was neat to sit by a gorgeous stream in Colorado with Nathan and pray for the future of our family together and for God to give us perfect peace in our decision. As days passed the peace that we prayed for continued to grow and we started the process to switch countries. Saying goodbye to Africa was sad. We felt like we were abandoning our daughter, but we knew that this was what we were supposed to do, so we did it. Our daughter was not from Africa, that was clear. What a faith journey we've been on. It is because God says so- we can't see the outcome, only He knows how this story plays out. But we press on because He loves us and we love Him. Pretty simple!

This means we got to do all of that 6 months of paperwork we'd prepared (when I say we, I mean I) for Ethiopia over again to send to China. This was frustrating for me- I had to tell myself over and over to persevere and it would of course be rewarded and we'd get our daughter. Onward we go.

And then there's the PEOPLE! You guys have been insanely encouraging and supportive. Honestly, we could not be doing this without our people! Too many to list here, but all of the financial support from friends and family and STRANGERS, encouraging words from friends and family, and the friends and family who will be watching our kids and pets while we're gone. And my personal favorite, the prayers from friends, family and strangers! We are ever grateful for the people that God has put in our life at such a time as this to be involved in this magical story! I was a new Christ follower when we started this journey, and man have I seen God show up in MIGHTY ways these last 4 years. God is REAL, and my biggest dream is that EVERYONE can know Him!

Scarlett is going to know Him. I've been crying myself through church for many months as we get closer and closer to bringing this child that God picked just for our family home. We get to tell her that Jesus is the one that answered our prayers, prayers we never knew we had. Jesus is the one who has known her from the foundation of the earth and will love her better than we ever can, and that Jesus is the one writing this story. We get to teach her that no matter what she is loved, adopted, chosen, forgiven and redeemed by the creator of the world.Who knows what life would be like for her growing up in China, especially with a special need that is so visible. God made her perfect and she'll be told that she's beautiful and cherished every day. Oh wait, that's just like my story! My heavenly father feels the same way about me! :-)

Back to adoption. Can you guys tell that I'm a God girl? I get going... I know.

When we get Scarlett on Monday- Gotcha Day! From our point of view, we are gaining a daughter. We've been laboring through paperwork, finances, meetings, trainings and more for the past 4 years to get to this day. The day we hold her and tell her how much we love her and that she will never be ever be without a family again. While we're excited about this, there's also her side of the story. Many people don't understand that there's a tragedy that happens in adoption. Scarlett has lost a lot in her short life. Her birth parents. On Monday, her foster parents- the only parents she's known. She's particularly close with the foster grandma I hear. She hasn't been able to prepare for this like we have. She is going to be handed over to us- these foreigners who don't speak her language or look like her. And her foster family is going to go home without her (bless them, seriously). She's going to be scared. Gotcha day for her and gotcha day for us will not be the same. Saying that the grief that she's about to face breaks my heart doesn't fully capture the feelings I'm having. Once we have her, we have her. And we take her back to our hotel. This child of ours that we are just meeting at 22 months old. She doesn't know that she can trust us the way our babies did in those first moments after birth. She might kick and scream and push us away when we try to pick her up. The grief that she experiences is a good thing as painful as it is- it means that she loved someone and was attached with someone, and grieving is a healthy thing- it's part of the process. All that I can do is pray that God equips us to do and be whatever Scarlett needs us to be in that moment and in the moments to come. We can't do this on my own, but I'm not afraid- ya'll know God will be right there with us, encouraging and strengthening us as we push forward each day as He already has worked out every detail of this entire process. There is nothing too big for Him that He can't handle and that hasn't already passed through His hands!

I'm excited to explore China with our daughter- we'll load up our camera with pics from our adventure to show her as she grows up. I'm going to miss my kids (and dogs) something fierce while we're away, but I'm going to cherish every moment spent in Scarlett's country because who knows if we'll be back?! I want to take it all in and get to know the culture and fall in love with where she's from.  We'll buy her gifts to give at milestone birthdays and pearls for her wedding. We'll make lifelong friends who are adopting a sweetie from China at the same time- we can look back and laugh at the memories made together. We'll get on a plane and fly for 15ish hours back to the USA where she'll become a citizen of our country the minute we land. At that time, her Chinese citizenship is gone (China doesn't recognize dual citizenship)- I have mixed feelings about this. It's exciting, but at the same time feels like we're taking something from her.

And before we know it, we'll be home. A family of 6. This is when things get real. I'm not naive enough to think that it's all going to a fairytale ending at this point. It's going to take time for our kids to bond. She's almost 2, so she'll be doing those adorably annoying toddler things that big kids just can't stand. There will be less time for Riley, Addison and Chase and most of our attention will be focused on Scarlett. How will Chase respond to being a big brother and no longer the baby of the family? I think he's ready for this role, but I know we'll have tough days. It's going to be important for me and Nathan to set aside personal time with the 3 big kids- we'll be pulled in many different directions. I don't mind. Having kids is sacrificing yourself, becoming selfless, and it's worth it. It's the best thing in the world. I still can't believe that God entrusted these humans to me. What a blessing. I don't take it lightly.

So, here's what you guys can do (if you made it this far, thanks for hanging in with my rambling). I know that so many people have prayed for and loved this little girl right along with us and want so badly to scoop her up! And you will get your time, I promise. However, it's so important that we hunker down as best we can and focus on attaching with her. The phrase is called cocooning. If you are in our circle, I encourage you to read this article about cocooning: http://www.nohandsbutours.com/2015/09/09/cocooning/
We plan on doing this as much as possible, to teach her who mom and dad are. We will meet every need she has to build trust and attachment. The challenging part is that we have to meet every need and not let people like grandparents, babysitters, friends, or others be able to interact with her in ways they'd love to just yet.  So, if you see us after we get home, please understand that we're not trying to be rude if we don't let you hold her. We're not being overprotective. We're teaching her what a mom and dad is. We just want what is best for our daughter.

And finally to close... my next blog post will be from Beijing, China (if I can get the internet to work, Lord willing). Please pray for us. All of us. We can feel the prayers already.

Oh I almost forgot! There's something else you can do if you're in our area... meals, bring us meals! Fresh meals, frozen meals, gift cards for meals. We have a 3 freezers at our house. We are going to be DOG tired (did I mention that we get in at 10pm on Wednesday, August 17th and will get up bright and early he next day (if we sleep at all that night) to kids who will be ecstatic to see us and meet their sister (and get gifts, I'm sure they'll be begging to see what we picked out for them)!!

1 month to travel!

Shared on Facebook 7/2/2016

It's hitting me that we'll be leaving for China in about 1 month. I've got butterflies in my stomach saying that. So many emotions as I think about leaving my other 3 kids home for 2 weeks without us. We've never been away for that long- it's going to be hard on all off us (and the grandparents). It's especially hurting my heart that I won't be at Chase's first day of Kindergarten- it's one of my favorite events of the year- back to school. After a long, but fun summer together, I love seeing the excitement on their faces as they look at their class lists, meet their teachers, and find their lockers. It's like fresh start. This will for sure be the hardest day for me.

An adoption update (bear with me): We're only one step away from receiving travel approval to go get our sweet girl...I'm definitely feeling the weight of everything that's about to happen. This point in the process feels somewhat like the end of pregnancy...the anticipation of this new little one that will be joining our family, the nesting and preparation that takes place, the "what ifs" that run through your head, and the sleepless nights that leave you feeling exhausted the next day...only I'm not lying awake because of the discomfort of a growing belly or because of wiggly, little baby feet kicking the inside of me, but I lie awake wrestling with all the mixed emotions and thoughts that come with adoption. I lie awake thinking about Scarlett and the many things that she's already been through in her short little life, things that most of us will never experience. I think about her birth mother and the heartache and sacrifice that she made to choose life for her. We will probably never know the circumstances that lead her in needing to give her up, but from what we do know I have absolute faith that she loved her. I think about her foster mother...the woman who's been caring for her all this time and the heartbreak that she will go through in having to let her go. I think about the grief, loss, fear, bewilderment, and helplessness that Scarlett is going to feel when we take her from her...and it kills me. It takes my breath away to think about how much grief and loss is involved with adoption. There are some days that it's just unbearable to think about and I literally need to conscientiously block it from my mind. Don't get me wrong, adoption is a beautiful thing! Adoption is hope, redemption, love, and most importantly, it a picture of the gospel of Jesus Christ who has adopted us into his forever family! So again, adoption is one of the most wonderful things this side of heaven...but there's also another side. Adoption is full of grief and loss. It's messy, it's traumatic, and it's filled with unknowns...but it is absolutely, and totally worth it!! I don't have any idea what life will be like when we bring Scarlett home. We've never met this child, we don't know the half of what she's been through, and we don't know what to expect other than the fact that it will be difficult. But what I DO know is this...I know my God! This God I know is Father to the fatherless, defender of the orphan and the widow, and this God I know...is love. I KNOW that he has called us to this and I KNOW that he alone will supply our every need in order to glorify him and be a forever family to this child! I don't know what it will look like or how the Lord will do it, but because I know Him, I know He is faithful and will keep His promises. Because I know Him, is how I can tell you that all of this, no matter how hard it is, will be totally worth it!

What's in a name?

Naming children is not our strong suit as a couple. Heck, we could hardly agree on what to name our dogs! Needless to say, naming an adopted child from a foreign country has proven to be the hardest one yet!!

I started a list of names years ago. When we decided to adopt, to be exact. It started with a list in my brain of a few of my favorites (Lucy, Peri, Maisie...). Then I started taking notes on names I would hear or read in my People magazine as I knew the time was getting closer and closer to when we'd actually have a child to name.

I wanted to pick a name some time ago because calling her "baby China" just didn't seem right. Nathan felt strongly that we needed to wait until we saw her face and knew her story to give her a name. I had no choice but to honor his request. Looking back, he was right. We needed to know more to give her the proper name.

We sent in our LOI (letter of intent) for Zou Yu Tong. It's time to name this child of ours. Baby China doesn't cut it anymore. The kids wanted to know what we would name her, too. Yu means a drop of water that turns to vapor as it falls from the cloud, and Tong means red, which is also the color for luck in China. I researched names that mean Red. None of them grabbed me. I searched for names with Chinese roots (Maylie was one of my favorites). I wrote them down and presented Nathan with my list. He told me that he'd done some research of his own at work one day last week. This just made my day- how sweet that he was starting to think about naming our daughter, too. It's about time, right? God love my patient and thoughtful husband. He's taught me a lot about waiting things out and trusting His timing.

Nathan had also searched for names that mean red and his list included Ruby, Scarlett, and others that were just too far out there to be considered. Initially, I told him that the red names weren't doing much for me, but I REALLY liked this idea of incorporating her given name into our name for her, so I looked at her pic often and whispered the red names as I studied her gorgeous face. Scarlett just grabbed me and then every time I looked at her pic, that's all I could see. Our daughter, Scarlett. Mae has Chinese roots (Mei is how the Chinese would pronounce it), and so that will be one of her middle names along with her given first name, Yu.

So, we're excited to announce the name of our daughter. Scarlett Mae Yu Gronberg!

Finally something AWESOME to share!

Well, if finally happened! We got THE PHONE CALL (again, but this time it was for OUR daughter). Our LID (log in date- when our paperwork is officially logged in in China- and we are officially on the list to be matched with a child) date is 12/1/15 and for a girl 0-3 the average length of time to wait for that phone call is about 6 months. I knew that we were getting close. To tell the story right, I have to start from a few days before the call.

On Tuesday, May 10th, Addison stayed home sick with me. She had had a fever the day before and a cough, so not super sick, but not allowed at school either. So, we had a few errands to run. She wanted to use some of her allowance money to get some charms at Michael's (like the ones from the 80's that us girls all had). She was trying to choose between your normal kind of charms like cupcakes, baby bottles, bubbles, a toilet, and then I saw a few kits that came with the bracelet link chain, and 4 charms in one box. There was one that was Chinese themed- it had a panda bear, a fortune cookie that said "good luck", a to go box with chopsticks, and sushi. I thought how random is that. I casually showed it to Addison and she stopped in her tracks and knew immediately that that's the one she wanted (it's all about "Baby China" these days- she's ready to get her sister home, too). I decided that I should get one too, and we hoped that our purchase would bring us good luck for a phone call that we'd been matched with our baby China finally. With hopeful hearts, we took a cute selfie (of course) and wore our new jewelry with pride.

On Wednesday, May 11th, I went over to Nancy Bartelt's house for a moms of piano lessons get together (our kids take piano with her, we are the moms who drive them and participate in the lessons, but we hardly get to chat). I was excited to spend more time with these ladies who I'd been in lessons with for a year. And Nancy adopted a little girl from China about a year prior, so she and her husband Todd are a great resource and support for us! I hung around later than I meant to- I was the last to leave. As I was walking out, we talked about the adoption and I told her that I'm just done with this waiting to find out who she is, and that I had a good feeling about the month of May. She said she'd keep praying for us, and I headed home, with my mind on my daughter who I felt so desperate for. I prayed on my way home (alone in a car for 15 minutes- it's the best I can do).

Thursday started just like any other day. Got the kids up for school, fed them breakfast, asked them to get their stuff together and get their shoes and socks on at least 5 times before someone actually listened (this is universal, right?), dropped the bigs off at Belmont Elementary and stopped in Wal-Mart for a few things we needed (I can't remember what they were now), and headed towards Chase's preschool, Trinity. We were already late- Walmart took longer than we expected as it usually does. It was 9:06am. THE PHONE RINGS. I look over, expecting it to be Nathan or anyone else, but to my surprise the number was our adoption agency. I took a deep breath and answered the phone with a shaky voice. The lady on the other end said, " Hi, I'm calling for Jennifer Gronberg." And I think I said "this is her." And she said, "This is Rachel with America World. Is this a good time to talk?" And I told her that I was getting ready to drop my son off at school and I'd call her right back. I hated having to do this, but I knew that the conversation would be much better for me if I was kid free (does everyone's child start making more noise than usual when they realize you're on the phone?). I hung up with her and just started praying to God that this call was for OUR DAUGHTER. I did not want to have to say no to another child. That is the worst. One was enough for me.

I shooed poor Chase into his class and made a beeline for my car. I took a few deep breaths, said another quick prayer, and called our agency back.

Rachel told me that she had a child's file to discuss with me. She said that this one might be a "stretch match" for us because the special need was something we'd said "maybe" to. This was how the conversation started when we got the call for Zi Mi, so my heart sank and I thought no, not another one. She went on to tell me that the little girl is 19 months old, and is missing her left hand. Okay, sounds good so far. She also told me that this little girl had been diagnosed with scoliosis, and that she'd been living in foster care. I had prayed that our daughter would be out of foster care instead of the orphanage- how awesome that she's known the love of a family! Rachel goes on to tell me that although she's in foster care, they are stilled placed through an orphanage and her particular orphanage is not responsive to questions in a timely manner. They only have her file for a short period of time, and we most likely wouldn't be able to get our questions answered before needing to make a decision.

At the time, I didn't know much about scoliosis, so I was very worried that this wouldn't work out. I asked Rachel to go ahead and send me her file so we could review her information and see pics. Rachel asked that we decide if we want to review her file formally by 3:00pm (formally reviewing a file gives you more time and puts her file on hold from other families being able to review it). I kept my heart guarded. Darn it, I hated having to remove my feelings from the first time I saw her face. But, I had to. What if we found something in her file that we just had to say no to like with Zi Mi?

I got the email with her information and pictures. Her name is Zou Yu Tong. Zou is the surname (last name), Yu means a water drop falling from the sky, turning into vapor as it falls from the sky, and Tong means red. I scanned through the info and medical exam and slowly looked at these first pics of her:

These pics are from last summer when she was about 8 months old. I thought, well she's cute. My heart was still guarded. I scrolled through the Chinese medical report and came across her passport pic at the end:

I thought, wow what a pretty face she has. I notice that Rachel has sent me another email with more updated pics of her. These are from January 2016 (4 months ago):

I called Nathan and he didn't answer. I called Nathan again and he didn't answer. I texted Nancy- "you must be good luck because I got a phone call this morning!" Boy was she excited! :-)

I called Nathan again and he answered, saying that he was in a meeting and was everything okay? I told him that I'd gotten a phone call from our agency, and I had a little girl to talk to him about. He said, "oh boy." And promised to call me soon.

It took forever, but he called me back. It wasn't that long, just seemed like it! I searched about scoliosis while I waited. I wasn't worried about the missing hand, but I needed to know more about scoliosis before this little one got into my heart. Things on the internet can be scary, as you know. Scoliosis didn't seem too serious, but it could be if it was detected in an infant... I had no information about how she was diagnosed. There seemed to be no x-ray. Scoliosis isn't diagnosed in an infant without an x-ray... so, how are they coming to the conclusion that she has that? Hmmm. I forward the file to a doctor at Children's Mercy who runs the international adoption clinic there- he reviewed the file of Zi Mi all those months ago. I knew that he'd be able to help us with the decision and to understand what we were seeing in the medical records.

Nathan calls me back. I tell him what Rachel told me. I send him the email and listen as he looks at her pics and reads her file. We spend the next 30 minutes on the phone reading about scoliosis together and wondering what would it mean if she did have 2 special needs? Nathan finds something in the file that says spasticity. We google it, it doesn't sound great, but there's no explanation about why it says that- just the word. Hmmm? Oh AND the last exam was done almost a year ago, so is ANY of this still valid?!

I don't have a good feeling about it. I hate all of the questions and not being able to get our questions answered. It all seems too overwhelming. I text Nathan and say, "I think we should just say no." Ugh, I hate that I said that. Man is this adoption stuff hard and emotional!

I have a physical therapy appointment for my poor ankle that I messed up during a group fitness class, so I head out, calling Jen Decker, the leader of Network 1:27, an adoption and foster ministry at our church. She has adopted 2 boys with missing limbs from China. She is my go to for all things adoption, of course. I tell her about the referral. I can tell that she's like "so what?" to the special needs I'm describing. She asks me what degree of scoliosis would we say no to? It's a punch in the gut question. I say, well, no degree. Hmmm it gets me to thinking.  It gets my head out of the gutter- and back to thinking, just maybe this will be the one! She mentions that her being in foster care is something to be very happy about! Our main concern was the 2 possible needs together- can this mean another disorder or syndrome? She says that's a valid question- we need to find out about that. I tell her that I've sent the file to Dr. C at Children's Mercy.

My brain is mush for the day. I'm surprised I remember much about that day at all. I'm so glad that all of my kids are in school so I can have the time to process things, and have conversations with friends, professionals and God with no disruptions.

I hear back from Dr. C. He asks to see pics of her missing hand. They didn't send me one. How strange. I add that to the list of questions to ask the orphanage (we would submit questions anyways, keeping our fingers crossed to hear back sooner than later, but realizing the decision would need to be made with no answers). By 2:30 I call Rachel back and let her know that we'd like to review the file officially and gave her a list of questions to submit to the orphanage. She told me that we have until Monday morning at 10am to say yes or no (no pressure).

My feelings go back and forth the rest of the day. Nathan somehow gets through work and home to us where we go through our evening routine and get the kids to bed. I think we're both emotionally drained. We don't talk much about it. I know that we need a good few nights to sleep on it and pray for God to lead us in our decision, as He has faithfully done since starting this journey.

I feel sad when I go to bed, like so unsure of what we're going to decide about Zou Yu Tong. I quite honestly felt a bit unsure about the missing hand, even  though we'd said yes to that disability. I ask God to put the love for her into my heart, to put peace about the situation in my heart OR to slam that door shut. Throughout the decision making process, I pray this many times. I'm so thankful for Jesus to guide us through this. He knows, and has known how this would all play out. I just have to follow His lead.

On Friday, I met one of my girls, Julie Norman at the coffee shop that we frequent with a group of ladies on Friday mornings. Julie was the only one that could meet that day and I almost cancelled to go to garage sales (Chase is at school on Friday mornings). I decided that talking it through with Julie would help, so I meet my friend and tell her about the news she'd been praying for with us for years. She was so excited and instantly fell in love when I showed her Yu's picture. Bless her. She looked at me and said, "I'd say yes." She has such a heart for kids, just like me. My meeting with her changed everything. God changed my heart that morning. Hearing myself describe her out loud to my friend made me realize that we needed to say yes to this file and trust just like so many who have adopted internationally have done as they have questions unanswered as well.

I call Nathan and tell him about my conversation with Julie and my change of heart and more positive outlook. I have conversations with Nancy Bartelt about what the file does/does not say and she says that they had unanswered questions when they adopted, too. I talk to Angela Handy, another friend who adopted a daughter from China and she says the same thing- unanswered questions. We'd talked to a chiropractor and neither the Children's Mercy doctor or him are concerned about the scoliosis. They find it strange that an infant would be diagnosed with that with no X-ray. We doubt she has it. And if she does, a brace would be all she'd need. No biggie. Could there be a mistranslation? It happens on occasion, so I ask around and sure enough Jen Decker has a contact in China who will translate the paragraph in question for free! By Sunday night, we are nearly 100% sure that we're saying yes to this file, but we first want to hear back from the translator.

On Monday morning, Nancy remembers that she has a friend who has adopted 2 kids from China with severe scoliosis. I get her number and give her a call. Scoliosis is no biggie, she says. "I'd adopt another child with this condition in a heartbeat, and my kids had severe cases!" The translator doesn't find anything amiss. I call Nathan and we officially says yes to Zou Yu Tong! NOW I have those feelings. This is my daughter and man do I love her! I want to tell the world. This is my daughter. The one I've been waiting 4 years for!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!

We submitted our letter of intent on Thursday, May 19th. This letter includes our Nurture plan. We explained how we intend to care for our daughter, what resources we have, and why we want to adopt her. We hope to hear back from China next week. They said it would take 3-15 days to get our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) from China. In the meantime, we have a hefty amount of paperwork to get ready to sent the minute we get the LOA. Travel ought to be in August or September. We'll know more about this once we get that paperwork sent off. Lots of excitement around here!

So, when should we tell the kids? I'm dying to tell them right away. Nathan is more cautious than me. I talk him into telling them, explaining that we need to receive a letter from China to make it official. That was on Wednesday, the 18th after dinner that we shared the news. Man were they excited, especially Addison! She is so excited for a sister finally! I can't wait to see these girls together. We explained to the kids about her disability and that they'd need to stick up for her.
Here's a video from that moment:

On Thursday morning, I received a letter from Rachel with the amazing news that we'd received an update from the orphanage- answers to our questions!! God is so good!! Seriously. What?! This update included the info that the spasticity was gone, there was no x-ray, pics of her hand and back, other pics and a video!! It was like Christmas morning! Here are the pics we received. I won't include the back pic- there is nothing to see- it's just a child's back, adding to the thought that there is no scoliosis. The video is a short clip of her walking, and it wouldn't save to my computer for some reason.

I fell in real love with my daughter this day. I'm not scared about her disability. At all. I love her just the way she is. God made her unique just like the rest of us, and God chose us to be her family. My momma heart is full and dying to get her in my arms.

Thank you for reading through is very long post. I don't want to forget a minute of this journey.

A Big Step and other news

I want to start with the biggest thing first. TODAY I SENT OUR DOSSIER TO OUR ADOPTION AGENCY TO BE SENT TO CHINA NEXT WEEK!! If you don't know what a dossier is, it's the fat stack of paperwork that contains every little piece of information about you and yours for the country to approve you for a referral (a child to adopt). Things that are in the dossier include: you and your spouse's birth certificates, your marriage certificate (these have to be less than 6 months old), physical exams for mom and dad that include certain blood tests, tb tests, and letters if surgeries have been performed or there's been an illness, 3 references (we used a dear friend, a pastor, and a teacher), a financial statement, a police report for both mom and dad with repentance letters, if necessary (if there's a criminal history... not naming names here), an application letter explaining who we are and why we want to adopt, our 15 page home study that contains every nugget of information you'd want to or not want to know about our family, US government approval to adopt, and a few more. Each of these pieces of paper have been notarized, state certified, and authenticated with the Chinese consulate in Chicago. A few weeks ago, I got to make 2 kid-free trips to Topeka to get documents state certifies. Ah the freedom of riding in peace, no listening to Watch me Whip... here's a cool pic I took in our great state's capital:

THIS IS NOT AN EASY PROCESS, PEOPLE! I remember when I first received the info and was so overwhelemed just looking at all of the things that needed to happen before we could be considered to adopt a child. AND THIS WAS OUR 2ND TIME DOING THIS PAPERWORK IN THE LAST 3 YEARS (as a reminder, we started our adoption journey with the intent to adopt from Ethiopia. God closed that door and very clearly opened the door for the Waiting Children's program in China).\\

So, after THE LONGEST PREGNANCY EVER (peeps in the adoption world call this being "paper pregnant"), I can happily say that that precious paperwork is out of my hands, and on it's way to our adoption agency in Virginia. In one week, they will ship it over to China. We'll be anxiously, nervously, and prayerfully waiting for word that our daughter has been matched with our family. I fantasize about this magical day when WE GET TO SEE HER FACE FOR THE FIRST TIME! Can you imagine?! Oh how I ache to know who she is!!! When we first started this process, I wondered how I could love a child that wasn't mine. I'm not ashamed to admit this. But as we've gotten further and further along in this journey, my love for her has grown and grown. My heart feels full and eager to love on this child that God has chosen for our family. I have complete peace just knowing that it's out of our hands, and that God loves this child more than I could possibly imagine, and He knows where she belongs. GOOSEBUMPS!

Here's a pic of me today at the post office- a selfie of me and the paperwork that I had a hard time handing over to the postal worker who must think I'm totally mental.

Backing up now. I have to catch you guys up because more exciting things have happened since my last post in July. 

I have done a few fundraisers to help get us through these hefty payments that are pouring in as we get closer and closer. Not to mention what it's going to cost to travel! AND we are desperately hoping to cart our 3 kiddos along for the journey. How amazing would it be to go as a family over to China, pick our our girl TOGETHER, and get that family bonding started right there in the orphanage?! I can't sleep at night, I'm so worried we won't be able to make it happen! I think that Riley, Addison, and Chase would really benefit from coming with us- imagine the cultural experience they'd have. So, I did this fun cape fundraiser, and that brought in about $500. And boy are these kids adorable in their capes. Here's a few pics of my donors:

After this fundraiser, a generous friend from church offered to do mini photo shoots for a fundraiser. So, on a beautiful day in October, we had a few hours in the morning, and a few in the evening where she took pics of these awesome families who felt moved by our story and wanted to help. We had so many families who wanted to participate that I had to ask a friend to help. He was so sweet, and gladly accepted! So, a big thanks to Jannah and Kevin for your servant's hearts. 

Here are a few pics of the families that I am so thankful for:

We ended that beautiful day with Kevin snapping some shots of our family. I've been wanting some globe pics for awhile (thanks, pinterest for the idea). Here they are. Cute, aren't they?! 

I am so humbled by people's generosity, and love for our family! It's comforting to know that we have so many friends who support us, and want to be a part of our journey. We love to share this experience! 

That brings me to my final bit of information. We are still fundraising. The next fundraiser will be a Facebook silent auction. It will launch in early January. It's my goal to collect 200 items. I am looking for everything. Direct sales donations, gift cards, crafty things, refurbished furniture, local deals (hair cuts, etc...). Anything that people would want to buy! Please let me know if you would like to donate something. Ask your friends. I've just started this, and already in 1 day I have almost 20 people committed to donating things, some complete strangers!! If you are on Facebook, look for my auction page soon. 

I will end with a quick timeline. We get this question every day, and everyone is so curious about what this will look like. We love to talk about it, so keep on asking! 

11/20/15 Dossier sent to China (this will take some time to arrive, and get logged in, but I imagine our LID (log-in date) to be a few weeks after it's received).

Once that happens, we will officially be on the list to receive a referral (a child).

I've been told that our agency is expecting a large amount of files on kids to come in in December. There's a chance we could get the best Christmas gift ever- to get to see the face of our child. However, we are requesting a girl, age 0-3 and that's the most popular request, so it could be a few more months. Who knows? So, once we receive the referral, we have a few weeks to take her medical file to a doctor and go over her needs (we've requested minor, repairable needs) before accepting her. 

Once we accept her, we will wait for a RA (referral approval) from China. After that is received, we wait for a TA (travel approval), and once we get that we'll be in full traveling planning mode. We'll have 2-3 months before our trip. So, there are still many steps to happen before she's with us. 

Will you join us in praying for our little girl? We are definitely hoping to have fundraising success, but the thing we want the most is your support, encouragement and prayers!! I believe in the power of prayer- it's a mighty thing!! 

If you made it to the end of this post, thanks. You are a gem. Maybe if I posted more often, I wouldn't have to do these lengthy catch-ups?!