On Tuesday, May 10th, Addison stayed home sick with me. She had had a fever the day before and a cough, so not super sick, but not allowed at school either. So, we had a few errands to run. She wanted to use some of her allowance money to get some charms at Michael's (like the ones from the 80's that us girls all had). She was trying to choose between your normal kind of charms like cupcakes, baby bottles, bubbles, a toilet, and then I saw a few kits that came with the bracelet link chain, and 4 charms in one box. There was one that was Chinese themed- it had a panda bear, a fortune cookie that said "good luck", a to go box with chopsticks, and sushi. I thought how random is that. I casually showed it to Addison and she stopped in her tracks and knew immediately that that's the one she wanted (it's all about "Baby China" these days- she's ready to get her sister home, too). I decided that I should get one too, and we hoped that our purchase would bring us good luck for a phone call that we'd been matched with our baby China finally. With hopeful hearts, we took a cute selfie (of course) and wore our new jewelry with pride.
On Wednesday, May 11th, I went over to Nancy Bartelt's house for a moms of piano lessons get together (our kids take piano with her, we are the moms who drive them and participate in the lessons, but we hardly get to chat). I was excited to spend more time with these ladies who I'd been in lessons with for a year. And Nancy adopted a little girl from China about a year prior, so she and her husband Todd are a great resource and support for us! I hung around later than I meant to- I was the last to leave. As I was walking out, we talked about the adoption and I told her that I'm just done with this waiting to find out who she is, and that I had a good feeling about the month of May. She said she'd keep praying for us, and I headed home, with my mind on my daughter who I felt so desperate for. I prayed on my way home (alone in a car for 15 minutes- it's the best I can do).
Thursday started just like any other day. Got the kids up for school, fed them breakfast, asked them to get their stuff together and get their shoes and socks on at least 5 times before someone actually listened (this is universal, right?), dropped the bigs off at Belmont Elementary and stopped in Wal-Mart for a few things we needed (I can't remember what they were now), and headed towards Chase's preschool, Trinity. We were already late- Walmart took longer than we expected as it usually does. It was 9:06am. THE PHONE RINGS. I look over, expecting it to be Nathan or anyone else, but to my surprise the number was our adoption agency. I took a deep breath and answered the phone with a shaky voice. The lady on the other end said, " Hi, I'm calling for Jennifer Gronberg." And I think I said "this is her." And she said, "This is Rachel with America World. Is this a good time to talk?" And I told her that I was getting ready to drop my son off at school and I'd call her right back. I hated having to do this, but I knew that the conversation would be much better for me if I was kid free (does everyone's child start making more noise than usual when they realize you're on the phone?). I hung up with her and just started praying to God that this call was for OUR DAUGHTER. I did not want to have to say no to another child. That is the worst. One was enough for me.
I shooed poor Chase into his class and made a beeline for my car. I took a few deep breaths, said another quick prayer, and called our agency back.
Rachel told me that she had a child's file to discuss with me. She said that this one might be a "stretch match" for us because the special need was something we'd said "maybe" to. This was how the conversation started when we got the call for Zi Mi, so my heart sank and I thought no, not another one. She went on to tell me that the little girl is 19 months old, and is missing her left hand. Okay, sounds good so far. She also told me that this little girl had been diagnosed with scoliosis, and that she'd been living in foster care. I had prayed that our daughter would be out of foster care instead of the orphanage- how awesome that she's known the love of a family! Rachel goes on to tell me that although she's in foster care, they are stilled placed through an orphanage and her particular orphanage is not responsive to questions in a timely manner. They only have her file for a short period of time, and we most likely wouldn't be able to get our questions answered before needing to make a decision.
At the time, I didn't know much about scoliosis, so I was very worried that this wouldn't work out. I asked Rachel to go ahead and send me her file so we could review her information and see pics. Rachel asked that we decide if we want to review her file formally by 3:00pm (formally reviewing a file gives you more time and puts her file on hold from other families being able to review it). I kept my heart guarded. Darn it, I hated having to remove my feelings from the first time I saw her face. But, I had to. What if we found something in her file that we just had to say no to like with Zi Mi?
I got the email with her information and pictures. Her name is Zou Yu Tong. Zou is the surname (last name), Yu means a water drop falling from the sky, turning into vapor as it falls from the sky, and Tong means red. I scanned through the info and medical exam and slowly looked at these first pics of her:
These pics are from last summer when she was about 8 months old. I thought, well she's cute. My heart was still guarded. I scrolled through the Chinese medical report and came across her passport pic at the end:
I called Nathan and he didn't answer. I called Nathan again and he didn't answer. I texted Nancy- "you must be good luck because I got a phone call this morning!" Boy was she excited! :-)
I called Nathan again and he answered, saying that he was in a meeting and was everything okay? I told him that I'd gotten a phone call from our agency, and I had a little girl to talk to him about. He said, "oh boy." And promised to call me soon.
It took forever, but he called me back. It wasn't that long, just seemed like it! I searched about scoliosis while I waited. I wasn't worried about the missing hand, but I needed to know more about scoliosis before this little one got into my heart. Things on the internet can be scary, as you know. Scoliosis didn't seem too serious, but it could be if it was detected in an infant... I had no information about how she was diagnosed. There seemed to be no x-ray. Scoliosis isn't diagnosed in an infant without an x-ray... so, how are they coming to the conclusion that she has that? Hmmm. I forward the file to a doctor at Children's Mercy who runs the international adoption clinic there- he reviewed the file of Zi Mi all those months ago. I knew that he'd be able to help us with the decision and to understand what we were seeing in the medical records.
Nathan calls me back. I tell him what Rachel told me. I send him the email and listen as he looks at her pics and reads her file. We spend the next 30 minutes on the phone reading about scoliosis together and wondering what would it mean if she did have 2 special needs? Nathan finds something in the file that says spasticity. We google it, it doesn't sound great, but there's no explanation about why it says that- just the word. Hmmm? Oh AND the last exam was done almost a year ago, so is ANY of this still valid?!
I don't have a good feeling about it. I hate all of the questions and not being able to get our questions answered. It all seems too overwhelming. I text Nathan and say, "I think we should just say no." Ugh, I hate that I said that. Man is this adoption stuff hard and emotional!
I have a physical therapy appointment for my poor ankle that I messed up during a group fitness class, so I head out, calling Jen Decker, the leader of Network 1:27, an adoption and foster ministry at our church. She has adopted 2 boys with missing limbs from China. She is my go to for all things adoption, of course. I tell her about the referral. I can tell that she's like "so what?" to the special needs I'm describing. She asks me what degree of scoliosis would we say no to? It's a punch in the gut question. I say, well, no degree. Hmmm it gets me to thinking. It gets my head out of the gutter- and back to thinking, just maybe this will be the one! She mentions that her being in foster care is something to be very happy about! Our main concern was the 2 possible needs together- can this mean another disorder or syndrome? She says that's a valid question- we need to find out about that. I tell her that I've sent the file to Dr. C at Children's Mercy.
My brain is mush for the day. I'm surprised I remember much about that day at all. I'm so glad that all of my kids are in school so I can have the time to process things, and have conversations with friends, professionals and God with no disruptions.
I hear back from Dr. C. He asks to see pics of her missing hand. They didn't send me one. How strange. I add that to the list of questions to ask the orphanage (we would submit questions anyways, keeping our fingers crossed to hear back sooner than later, but realizing the decision would need to be made with no answers). By 2:30 I call Rachel back and let her know that we'd like to review the file officially and gave her a list of questions to submit to the orphanage. She told me that we have until Monday morning at 10am to say yes or no (no pressure).
My feelings go back and forth the rest of the day. Nathan somehow gets through work and home to us where we go through our evening routine and get the kids to bed. I think we're both emotionally drained. We don't talk much about it. I know that we need a good few nights to sleep on it and pray for God to lead us in our decision, as He has faithfully done since starting this journey.
I feel sad when I go to bed, like so unsure of what we're going to decide about Zou Yu Tong. I quite honestly felt a bit unsure about the missing hand, even though we'd said yes to that disability. I ask God to put the love for her into my heart, to put peace about the situation in my heart OR to slam that door shut. Throughout the decision making process, I pray this many times. I'm so thankful for Jesus to guide us through this. He knows, and has known how this would all play out. I just have to follow His lead.
On Friday, I met one of my girls, Julie Norman at the coffee shop that we frequent with a group of ladies on Friday mornings. Julie was the only one that could meet that day and I almost cancelled to go to garage sales (Chase is at school on Friday mornings). I decided that talking it through with Julie would help, so I meet my friend and tell her about the news she'd been praying for with us for years. She was so excited and instantly fell in love when I showed her Yu's picture. Bless her. She looked at me and said, "I'd say yes." She has such a heart for kids, just like me. My meeting with her changed everything. God changed my heart that morning. Hearing myself describe her out loud to my friend made me realize that we needed to say yes to this file and trust just like so many who have adopted internationally have done as they have questions unanswered as well.
I call Nathan and tell him about my conversation with Julie and my change of heart and more positive outlook. I have conversations with Nancy Bartelt about what the file does/does not say and she says that they had unanswered questions when they adopted, too. I talk to Angela Handy, another friend who adopted a daughter from China and she says the same thing- unanswered questions. We'd talked to a chiropractor and neither the Children's Mercy doctor or him are concerned about the scoliosis. They find it strange that an infant would be diagnosed with that with no X-ray. We doubt she has it. And if she does, a brace would be all she'd need. No biggie. Could there be a mistranslation? It happens on occasion, so I ask around and sure enough Jen Decker has a contact in China who will translate the paragraph in question for free! By Sunday night, we are nearly 100% sure that we're saying yes to this file, but we first want to hear back from the translator.
On Monday morning, Nancy remembers that she has a friend who has adopted 2 kids from China with severe scoliosis. I get her number and give her a call. Scoliosis is no biggie, she says. "I'd adopt another child with this condition in a heartbeat, and my kids had severe cases!" The translator doesn't find anything amiss. I call Nathan and we officially says yes to Zou Yu Tong! NOW I have those feelings. This is my daughter and man do I love her! I want to tell the world. This is my daughter. The one I've been waiting 4 years for!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!!!
We submitted our letter of intent on Thursday, May 19th. This letter includes our Nurture plan. We explained how we intend to care for our daughter, what resources we have, and why we want to adopt her. We hope to hear back from China next week. They said it would take 3-15 days to get our Letter of Acceptance (LOA) from China. In the meantime, we have a hefty amount of paperwork to get ready to sent the minute we get the LOA. Travel ought to be in August or September. We'll know more about this once we get that paperwork sent off. Lots of excitement around here!
So, when should we tell the kids? I'm dying to tell them right away. Nathan is more cautious than me. I talk him into telling them, explaining that we need to receive a letter from China to make it official. That was on Wednesday, the 18th after dinner that we shared the news. Man were they excited, especially Addison! She is so excited for a sister finally! I can't wait to see these girls together. We explained to the kids about her disability and that they'd need to stick up for her.
Here's a video from that moment:
I fell in real love with my daughter this day. I'm not scared about her disability. At all. I love her just the way she is. God made her unique just like the rest of us, and God chose us to be her family. My momma heart is full and dying to get her in my arms.
Thank you for reading through is very long post. I don't want to forget a minute of this journey.
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