1 month home- our new normal

Update: Right after posting this, another adoption friend posted something that she'd seen on a shirt and I just have to add it. She saw a shirt that says LOVE MAKES ROOM. Things have changed for our family and we've all had to make room in our own way. Addison is no longer the only girl. Sharing daughter status is shaking her world up. The boys have another sister. The shake up is all worth it, though. I've come to realize that we all need Scarlett as much as she needs us. Things are better with her here. She's teaching us things and opening our eyes in ways that will change us forever.

We've been home for 1 month already. Time really flies when you've got 4 kiddos! It's hard to know where to start. I need to organize my thoughts- maybe make an outline like I did back in the days of English class.

I'll intro by saying that we're doing great, much better than we could have dreamed. Of course we prayed that the transition would be smooth, but man has God ever answered our prayers with Scarlett. Infant and Toddler services was at my house this morning, evaluating Scarlett, and they were amazed at how great she's doing, just 1 month after being in the States. She mimics words and actions, she follows commands, she sings and dances, she loves to laugh and be silly. She has the best smile, and will just flash it at you for no apparent reason. Her joy for life is contagious. When I think about the reality of what she's been through in her short little life, this pure joy is all the more wonderful to witness. I love the sound of the 4 kids squealing with laughter because of her antics. Speaking of the kids- man do they love their little sister. She adores them too and has already little traditions that she does with all of them. Riley does this gentle wrestle thing with her where he crashes her down to the ground, but she lands on him, cushioning her from the floor. His friends like to come over and play with her too, which is just about the sweetest thing. They've taught her the important skill of the fist bump. Addison is like her second mommy. She puts her in her carseat or her booster, strapping her in and making sure she's ready to go. She plays with her while I cook dinner and makes sure that she's not going up or down the stairs. Scarlett reaches for Addison to pick her up- she's happy to be carried around by her big sister. Chase is just as silly as Scarlett, so once they get started, there's lots of laughter! I envisioned what our lives would be like with this little one for so long, and now that she's here, I'm so excited about how well the kids are getting along. My favorite part of the day is right before bedtime when we sit in Scarlett's room together and read a book and then the rounds of hugs and kisses start. I know these days are fleeting, and these sweet moments will be no longer before I know it.

In this last month, we've spent a lot of time just hanging at our house- getting Scarlett used to her new environment, foods, language, and people. We've also enjoyed a lot of firsts as a family of 6. My personal favorite was our first trip to the lake as a family of 6. I'm so glad we got Scarlett home in time to join us for our Labor Day trip!

We also took Scarlett in for her first doctor's appointment. She was evaluated by a pediatrician at Children's Mercy in the International Adoption Clinic. She got a few shots (lots of crying here), an x-ray of her left hand (very traumatic experience for her), and blood work done (even more traumatic). Her x-ray shows that she has her radius and ulna bones- she sure can do a lot with her left hand- I love to watch her figure things out. I treat her the same as the other 3- if she needs help, she asks me, but she really likes to do things herself. Her blood work all came back just fine. We're so thankful for her health. Next week we go to the limb clinic at Children's Mercy. We've got some amazing resources here in Kansas City!

Let's talk attachment and bonding. After a few episodes in one day of her reaching out for someone other than Nathan and I to be held, it hasn't happened again. She seems to know who mom and dad are. She socializes with other adults- hands them toys, gives them food, etc... but comes to Nathan or I for comfort. We are still refining our attachment. Attachment is formed through trust. Scarlett is still learning to trust us. The area where we are still working on this is bed time. She goes down easily, but wakes up a few times in the night with night terrors. She is consoled and goes back to sleep quickly, so it's not a huge problem, but of course we want her sleeping soundly through the night. I've talked to many other adoptive parents through our adoption agency (thankful for our agency Facebook page where I get so much support and encouragement) and it sounds like this is a very normal experience. They all said that it gets better as the kids learn to trust more and more each day. Something I wasn't expecting, and what the blogs I've read don't really talk about is that bonding can be tough for the mama. It all makes sense, really. For 9 months I carried my 3 bio kids. And then they were newborns and I fed them and cared for them each minute, hour, and day as time quickly passed and they grew and grew and grew. By the time they were 2, I knew them in and out. Our love had grown as we learned how to be a mom/child together. With Scarlett, we were given a 2 year old who we'd never met before, we filled out some paperwork, and took her back to our hotel room. This child who didn't understand or speak our language. We took her from her foster family- the only family she'd known since she was an infant. We had no idea what to feed her at our first meal. No idea- we are her parents, and we had no idea what would comfort her,  what she likes to eat, what her daily routine was in her foster home. This is the hard part of adoption that people don't talk much about. My love for her is growing- we're getting there. I'm adjusting to having a 2 year old in the house and all of the chaos that brings. I'm thankful that God chose me to be her mommy.  I follow people who are adopting through our agency on Facebook so I can relive our trip to China and the day we met our daughter.

Another thing for me is constantly questioning my parenting skills and my ability to raise an adopted daughter. I'm sure I'm messing up my bio kids in some way as well, but for some reason the stakes seem higher with the beautiful soul from a traumatic past. This thought doesn't come from God, so I pray when I feel these feelings. God called us to adopt Scarlett. He brought us together, so I know that He's right here with me and I can lean on Him when I'm feeling insufficient!

All in all, the first month has been good. I just know that each month will get better and better as we continue to adjust to our new normal. I wake up each day and give our day to God- and pray. I get my strength, courage, peace and joy from His presence in my day.

I'll leave you with a few pics from our month.